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If you were to step back and look at your life objectively, what would be the initial observations that you make? When you start to dissect your life, and see yourself through the eyes of others, a few things immediately become clear. And when these revelations are made, you can often find yourself coming to one very obvious conclusion; you’re too tough on yourself. But don’t feel bad, because you’re definitely not the only one that does it. In fact, being hard on ourselves is something that a lot of us do quite naturally. However, just because it’s a both natural and common occurrence, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s right. It’s actually something that can do us a lot of harm. So how can you make a change for the better?

The first thing you need to do is work out why you’re so tough on yourself. Because unless you know the reasons for why you’re doing it, you’re not going to be able to stop. Again, you need to be very objective here. And honest. You need to look at your lifestyle and see what it is that’s making you be so hard on yourself. And only then can work on becoming healthier. To get you started, here are seven things that you could be influenced by too.

Making Comparisons

One of the biggest culprits for why we’re always so tough on ourselves is that we mark comparisons. And if it’s something you find yourself doing, or even don’t notice until you do start to get objective, you’re then going to want to stop. Comparing yourself to others and even basing your own lifestyle choices on this will only lead to you feeling inadequate. And when you feel inadequate, you’re quick to be tough on yourself, and start to experience negative feelings too.

Setting Unrealistic Expectations

A step on from that, and often a result of your comparisons, is the idea of setting unrealistic expectations for yourself. Because it’s something that we all do. Sometimes you see celebrities or well-known personalities and compare yourself, and you want to be just like them. But are you expecting too much? You need to get real with sites like to actually see if you’re unrealistic or not. Because you’ll often find that the benchmarks you’re basing on others, aren’t really either.

Drive & Determination

Are you an ambitious person? If so, you may find that pushing yourself can work against you. When you’re trying to get somewhere, and see success, you can often find that you’re harder on yourself than you need to be. It’s okay to be driven, but try to be kinder to yourself in the process.

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Parental Pressure

Sometimes, the reason we’re so tough isn’t because of our own expectations or opinions, but those of others. This couldn’t be more relevant in the case of dealing with pressure from parents. Whether you’re a teenager or middle-aged, we all suffer from parental pressure at some point or another. Because we want to please them and make them proud. But this should never be at the expense of your own happiness or mental health!


Have you ever thought about what your insecurities really do to you? Or where they come from? Well, when you’re looking at things objectively, you just might find out. Regardless of what triggers them, you will find that when you’re insecure about something, you’re more likely to be tougher on yourself than you need to be. This can often lead to your insecurities getting worse. And this is only going to cause you more pain and stress as life goes on. So maybe it’s time to drop those insecurities for good?

Projecting Ideals

Maybe you find yourself projecting ideals onto yourself? It’s so easy to judge the lives of others, as much as it is to compare yourself to them. But a lot of the time, the assumptions you make are wrong. So you may find that the ideals that you project onto the lives of others, and the rosy assumptions that you’re making aren’t even true. And when you do this, you start to feel bad about yourself over something that isn’t even real.

Emotional Abuse

And finally, if you’ve ever been a victim of emotional abuse in the past, you’ll know that it can affect you in many ways. Some of the worse effects of emotional abuse, as shows us, can stay with you mentally. So much so, that you start to believe things about yourself that aren’t true, and this can lead you to be too tough on yourself.